How to Help

So far, everything you've read seems overwhelming. Well, there's good news and there's bad news...

The good news is: there isn't very much you can do.

The bad news is: there isn't very much you can do.

If you think you may have an Autism Spectrum Disorder or you think you know someone who might and you want to help them, here's what you can do:

• Do some research to find out if it is likely
• Take the information you've found to your doctor (or to the doctor of the person affected) If that is not the doctor's specialty, you may need a referral to a specialist
• If it's your child that's diagnosed, discuss it with your child's teachers (or your boss if it's you that's diagnosed) so that the lines of communication are open, and modifications can be made to suit everyone
•  Take appropriate action to manage the things that are a problem for you

Also keep in mind that making modifications for adults is very different from making modifications for children. An adult in a work place can privately make arrangements with his supervisors for things such as making sure no one ever touches the stuff on his desk or making sure the office buys the same brand of coffee creamers. In an adult environment that person may seem a tad eccentric, but co-workers are (usually) too mature to resort to picking on some one for that reason alone.

Children however, are mean. I don't mean one child, one child is smart and caring and sensitive...but put a whole bunch of them together and you have the meanest, most vindictive and cruel situation for your child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder to be in. Yes, yes, kids are supposed to be nice, share, report bullies to the teacher blah blah blah....but that's not what happens. EVER.

If one of the problems at school is the classroom clock incessantly ticking:

DO NOT: Give the child sound-poof ear muffs.

DO: Remove the second hand from the clock, or install a clock with a continuous second hand that does not tick. Or go digital. Change the clock; do not isolate the child as different in front of the other kids.

If the child needs more preparation time for assignments:

DO NOT: Set a due date for the assignment and then say “Except for Billy, he can have another week.”

DO: Hand out a lesson plan at the beginning of the semester detailing every assignment, every test and every date that they are due. Not just to the one or two children who need it (as they cling desperately to schedules and pre-planning) but to everyone. So what if the other kids never read it, it's not for them anyway.

Pop quizzes and Fire Drills:

DO NOT: Have pop quizzes or fire drills. Or surprise pep rallies, or assemblies or dances or sports days without telling everyone well in advance.

DO: Abolish pop quizzes and forcing one individual to go up to the blackboard. Fire drills are unavoidable as per fire codes, however a fire drill to a child with high anxiety and hypersensitivity is pure hell. If you are the principal of the school, PLEASE tell the parent of that child when there will be scheduled fire drills so that the child can stay home that day, or have an agreement to have the child summoned to the office just before the fire drill and have him go outside with the guidance counselor to wait for the rest of the school to come out.

Leaving the classroom:

DO NOT: Humiliate the child by forcing him to raise his hand and ask for permission to go to the bathroom.

DO: Treat him with dignity, the way you would treat a 40-year-old man in a suit and tie in a business meeting. You wouldn't expect him to ask permission to leave the room; he would just quietly get up and slip out, returning moments later without having interrupted the meeting. By forcing them to ask permission, who are you to say if they need to leave the room or not? Maybe they had some bad lunch meat, or maybe they need some quiet time alone. What's so bad about that?

MILLER VANILLER'S # 1 TIP TO DEAL WITH THE OVERWHELMING FEELINGS OF ACHADEMICS AND BULLIES AT SCHOOL:

Take them out of school.

Yes, I know a lot of people will be upset I said that. The school system is supposed to be 'forward-thinking' and 'progressive' and 'meet the needs of every child' however, that's just not possible. It is a statistical truth that there is no way any school can meet the individual needs of every person. They do the best they can to educate the majority of the students and make an effort to accommodate specialized needs (or some may not try at all, I've had that experience) but some times it just can't work out. What do you do about bullies? Even if you can get rid of one, there are 10 more to take their place.

The solution: There are many other ways to get an education. There is home-schooling, on-line courses and distance learning. There are practical life skills that need to be learned...because in the grand scheme of things, being able to talk to a sales person in routine daily situations is more important than the war of 1812.

Worried about College? Relax, there are lots of ways to get into post secondary without a high school diploma. You can challenge the test, take an entrance exam or wait 2 years and apply for 'mature student status'.

My older sister went through the public school system and dreaded every day. She felt isolated, picked on, singled out and alone. She has been out of school for years now, and struggles with depression and has low self-esteem. My younger brother was taken out of school in grade four because he was physically ill at the thought of another school day. My mom worked with him at home on daily life skills and today he goes to College and is smiling from ear to ear whenever I see him.