Stories

Hello

Hey, just wanted to tell you that I saw your site. I was diagnosed with NLD with Asperger-like traits a year and a half ago when I was thirteen. School has definitely been hell for me and I totally agree with the "taking AS people out of school" thing you wrote. I was in the public school system up until the end of eighth grade and I HATED it. I've been in a private school for this year and I hate that, too. I can't make friends and I'm just an outsider looking in, and it made me miserable. I've struggled with depression since I was nine, but a few months ago (in February) I got admitted into a psychiatric hospital. That's how miserable I was. My parents, who firmly believed that "one friend" would do the trick, finally realized that a normal school just wouldn't cut it. I'm going to be going to a boarding school that deals specifically with NLD kids for my sophomore year and probably up through my senior year. I think it's great that you're so supportive of your siblings. Personally, I don't have a relationship with my younger brother and older sister. My sister is nearly 17 so she drives a car and basically has a life of her own, so she's not around a lot. My brother is 9. We used to have a great relationship, but recently he's taken to humiliating me in front of his friends and likening me to a "loser with no friends" or an "idiot." He insults the few interests I have and makes me feel like a worthless nobody (as if I haven't already felt that way for a long time). I hadn't even heard of NLD until I was diagnosed with it. And when I look back on my childhood, I did show symptoms, but everybody thought I was just an eccentric, shy kid. I think the only person who noticed anything was my preschool teacher, who thought I shouldn't go onto kindergarten because my social skills weren't so great. I only had one friend up until the end of second grade. And fourth grade was (excuse my vulgar language) when the shit hit the fan (did I use that expression correctly?). I was far, far behind on social skills and was constantly teased. I, of course, reacted vehemently to their teasing. I loved the Guiness Book of World Records and I'd read it every day in school. Some kids used to tease me and say I liked looking at the models in the book. I was, and am, a voracious reader, and so the kids used to say I'd read the math book if I didn't have anything to read. My problems just continued from there. By the end of fourth grade I was making suicidal remarks, so by the beginning of fifth I was put on antidepressants and began therapy for a couple of months. By that time, I hadn't had a friend over in years and I was terrified at the idea. I didn't even like calling people on the phone because I was afraid I was "intruding" their privacy and also that they wouldn't want me to call them. My parents certainly didn't help the problem, either. My father insisted that I had one friend over once a week. As you might suspect, his "plan" never went anywhere. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Having people over was a chore. I was afraid I was boring, or that they were bored with what we were doing. It didn't help that my only "friend" said that I played on the computer too much and it was all I wanted to do when she was over. She told me it was boring to come over to my house. She also said I was mean to her. I couldn't imagine that I could be mean. Now I realize that I probably was just saying things that came to my mind without considering her feelings. She had recently lost her father to cancer, and I remember asking her, "How are you going to survive if your father's dead? Your mother doesn't work. You won't have any money." Understandably, she took offense. Well, I don't want to burden you with this tediously long e-mail. Anyway, your site's great. You're welcome to put this on the stories section of your site, but you don't have to. I wish there were more people out there like you who understand people like your siblings, me and all other AS/NLD people out there. Most people are ignorant.